I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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