just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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