Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
