if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
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