youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
