yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
