and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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