My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
