i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
