hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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