I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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