Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
