Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
