Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
