I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
