ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
