its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
