Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
