Do you still have your period?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
