Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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