his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
