I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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