one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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