She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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