idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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