I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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