I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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