ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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