No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
