I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize