What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want you more than these girls want KFC
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize