He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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