omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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