SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think your dad took our porno
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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