im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
