Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
