Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
