Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bit a glass in half.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
