I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
