i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
