my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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