vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
