If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
