I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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