i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
