Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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