So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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