I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
