She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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