Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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