I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
