i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i now understand why vodka
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
