She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
