Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize