Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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