i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think people are normalizing furries
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
