I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
