i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
