what day is it and did you see me today?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
