UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
