Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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