someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
