i think my tv is drunk
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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